Detritus

The stuff that gets left behind, the mess, the tangling, what needs to picked through and at some point swept up.

I am not sure it is that easy. How would we know where to start? I think about this legacy of sadness that you left - and how we still carry it with us.

I wonder how long it will be before we accept that we should not be defined by your death - and your suicide. At times it seems impossible - we cannot undo your passing and, certainly for me, it is almost such a large part of me and who I am that I cannot see a way forward.

I am mindful that there are few who could ever reach your benchmark - which is by definition stuck at the final point of its evolution - your death.

And so we continue John, with you in our hearts and a fear that we cannot, nor will not ever quite surmount the sad legacy of your passing.

We still miss you big man.

x