Prophesy

01.05.07

Reading back through the countless emails we exchanged, I found the following message I sent to you this time last year, when your delightful ex-wife had really started to crank up the blackmailing strategy to full blast:

" Our recent communications have also contributed to my current state of emotional lethargy. I certainly don't feel as though I am helping you in any way at the moment and some of your reactions would support that I think - please correct me if my assertion is wrong. I call you because I care about you and of course worry about you John - doubtless because I love you.

However, the last few conversations have left me wondering if it is at all beneficial to do so - you seem quite distant at times and certainly preoccupied with other things; understandable! I know that particularly this week, I have leaned very heavily on you as I have been pretty upset about my own situation and I imagine that there are times when you don't know how to broach things as I have been fairly strung out. I suppose what I am trying to say is that I feel somehow that this is bringing you down - and clearly you have enough to deal with at your end.

I have almost given up trying to counsel you about your own situation as I find myself repeating the same thing over and over again - almost to no avail. I understand that things are difficult, but in all honesty, unless you do something about your access to your son, you will send yourself into an early grave.

Your own feelings of sadness and depression are directly connected to this. It is also pretty evident that A will never move to change things whilst she believes there is a chance of coercing you into returning - she demonstrates this through her constant story-building; every time you see P some drama unfolds and you are at the centre of it - she chalks up another blame point and constructs her case even further. Your inertia and failure to deal with the situation are in fact exacerbating it and much more importantly having a negative effect on your son. You have clearly outlined that your relationship with A was characterised by your ability to get things done and her ability to procrastinate; what makes you think she will change now????????????

You have the power to influence your son positively and connect with him on a really positive level. It is obvious that he is subject to A's emotional priming at home - think about the soundbites he unleashes when he sees you - and that is not a good environment for a child. Very simply put, unless you deal with the access issue, you are directly contributing to your son's unhappiness and lack of stability right now.

Whatever A may profess, she certainly doesn't practice it as she is happy to indulge in the kind of dramas she has protagonised before - think Chester, think phone calls, think phantom illness, think mindless dashes to Alder Hey with suspected meningitis only to hurl abuse at you as you arrived. Aided and abetted by her revolting specimen of a sister, M, who delighted in calling you an adulterer outside a busy hospital, in which your son was supposedly dying and in fact was playing on a climbing frame, oblivious to the emotional drama his mother had prepared. She thinks nothing of dragging your son into it, John - these do not appear to be that actions of a rational human being, and what is worse is that her own family, instead of offering the voice of reason and temperance, show no dignity and collude with her. Does her sister not have two young children under two to care for?

It really does beggar belief, not to mention the damage it does to a seven-year old boy to be dragged to the hospital every couple of months with suspected meningitis. One word: Munchhausen's!

You may feel I am being very hard on you John, but I am above all things your friend and I love you enough to tell you this. If you want to start feeling better about yourself, do something. I know I am not the only one who has proffered this opinion, so we cannot all be wrong.

In terms of how we proceed, that is really up to you. I am in a very difficult place right now, as you know and have been feeling quite lonely. That is unsurprising as these situations can only be resolved by the individual, it's just a hard slog, as I am sure you will agree. You know that I miss you very much and would like to see much more of you - but the ridiculous uncertainty that hangs over you regarding access to P means that it is even impossible to hop on a train and meet you just for one evening! I don't want to call you if you feel you don't really want to talk to me; I don't want to stalk or harass you and I certainly don't want to send copious texts that remain unanswered.

We need to maintain some balance if this friendship is to survive and grow. But you also have to learn to put yourself first, and to stop worrying about every eventual outcome. Despite her protestations, your estranged wife is still the size of a house, works on a minimal basis and has an income in excess of most households where both partners work. It is ridiculous of you to believe, and of her to say that you have abandoned your family when you are still paying the mortgage, all the bills as well as the household expenses AND paying CSA dues - Jesus Johnny, she is better off than most!!

Think on - start thinking of yourself for once.

OK, that is the end of my diatribe. I hope you understand that these words come from a good place and because I love you, care about you and hope that you will be in my life for a very long time, John."