Back to Bereavement

28.03.07

In my quest for some answers, I have continued to search for definitions and meaning.

So I looked up "bereavement" as we are all experiencing that phenomenon now:

be·reave
–verb (used with object),
1.to deprive and make desolate, esp. by death (usually fol. by of): Illness bereaved them of their mother.
2.to deprive ruthlessly or by force (usually fol. by of): The war bereaved them of their home.
3.Obsolete. to take away by violence.

The answer then, is apparent - at least to me.

We are now deprived of you. The desolation that ensues from that is evident - we feel desparate and desolate as a result of this deprivation.

In some way too, there is also the sense of ruthlessness, I would say inflicted upon you by the actions of others and your inability to process that level of damage and hurt which you had clearly endured for a substantial period of time.

Even with your decision to break away from that environment which so restricted you and brought you so much unhappiness, you were still unable to reconcile yourself with your decision as your son, and supposed abandonment of him was held up as a very real and living reflection of your alleged wrongdoing.

In fact, none of us felt that about you; we were relieved that you had finally managed to find some equilibrium and glad that you had found the strength to disassociate yourself from a situation that was so untenable. The relentless bullying and harassment bereaved us of you, John.

The third definition, though obsolete, is poignant indeed; you were taken away by violence - the violence you inflicted upon yourself in taking your life and undoubtedly the emotional violence and bullying which brought you to such a point of no return.

In short then, we are bereaved in every sense of the word.