Updating reality

23.03.07

Today I have been thinking about you as always - and the changes that had occurred in your life in the 16 months prior to your death.

We corresponded a silly amount really - and now I am glad of that. I counted, and including all the one line emails, there are more than a thousand that we exchanged since we resumed contact in October 2005. There is a great deal to be said about your history from then until now, that is to say the unravelling of your own life to your death, because that is when it all really started, just six months or so after your mother's death in March 2005.

Reading back over the messages we exchanged, a clear picture emerges of the highs and lows you went through, and although it makes me sad to read them, it also helps me to piece together your life and how you were trying, albeit unsuccessfully, to regain control of it - evidently, you had been on automatic pilot for some years.

It is obvious, too, that your mother's death was a real catalyst for you - in many areas of your life. Through the correspondence that we shared, it is apparent that once you lost your mother, you began to question many aspects of your life, and whether you were truly happy. With time, I hope to post that puzzle in all its pieces here on this blog, so that we can all see your own perspective on your life to date, and not be beholden to conjecture alone.

The first point then, of this puzzle-building should start with your own comment placed on the Friends Reunited website - I am guessing that you updated this at some time in 2006 given your reference to P, or maybe early 2007. It was clear, then, in your own mind John, that you had moved on to a new phase of your life.

Separated form my wife in December 2005 One child P who was 7 in March 2006. Regeneration Manager with a Housing Association in Liverpool. Anyone who remembers me and wants to get in touch please do so.