Legacy

25.03.07

Dear John

I have been thinking about your legacy - all that you left behind for us to remember you by.

The quantity and quality of soundbites at a time like this fluctuates a little! I am reminded constantly that I should be grateful for the happy memories I have of you and that they can never be wrested from my grasp - actually, I would rather swap them for you, have you back here with us, amongst us and sod the memories! A bit churlish I know, but that is how I feel.

I have cried for you, or should I say, the loss of you every day since you died. Thankfully, it is with less frequency, otherwise my eyes would really be just the proverbial piss-holes in the snow now. It has been noted by closer friends and family that "perhaps I should stop rubbing my eyes if I can"; in fact I am not rubbing them at all - I just cry when I think of you and I guess all that salt has a damaging effect!

So, back to your legacy - here is where a list comes in handy, so I shall let the stream of consciousness take over:

Legacy of love - you gave a lot to others in all sorts of ways. Laughter - mainly at your bad jokes and selected TV offerings; generosity in all its forms; duty and diligence; the sweetest hugs and kisses ever offered to another; a beautiful son; three heartbroken women who will take some time to heal; a zealous love of anything by Scorsese; passion for people, places and a certain football team; honesty; liberalism; tolerance; bravery; a new twist on the word "gauche"; happiness to those you met and interacted with; a true lack of prejudice; clumsiness and forgetfulness - your keys John! Innocence and a certain naivety; faith in others; loyalty; unabashed optimism; commitment; selflessness; a bright bright smile; wonderful blue eyes smack bang in the middle of an honest, open face; sweetness; a simple greatness and our memories of your dangerous but highly entertaining dance routines.

And so you see John, while you have left us all of this in memory form, wouldn't it be much nicer to have you right back here with us?

We miss you sweet man and it hurts.