03.03.07
There is some justification in numbers and their significance.
Just checking back through all the emails we exchanged, I noticed that you took your own life exactly one year to the day from your first attempt at reconciliation with your estranged wife.
You really went through the mill on that one. You felt bound to return after innumerable promises had been made about the changes that would be initiated - how you would do things together and share the parenting more. Your life was a whirlwind of running around after everyone else with little time for yourself. You spent weekends alone with your son because your wife was too tired/self-conscious/busy with her family to join you. And you were happy to do that. You understood also that this was to the detriment of your own marriage and the relationships with friends and family. In the end, you made clear your reasons for leaving, and after a period of relentless pleading to return, you did. Still waiting for this new shared relationship to appear.
Such was your despair, that within two weeks, you left again, and this time you really hit rock bottom. Suicidal ideation, wandering the streets aimlessly and then back to the doctor with your wife pressuring you to take antidepressants and return once more.
After the event, you made a very clear assessment of that time in a letter you sent to the court to support your request for access to your son:
"Quite rightly, the case focused around the child protection issues pertaining to my son and the court’s role in ensuring his safety. Whilst I believe it is important that the issue of suicidal ideation in March 05 is considered by the court, it also needs to be seen in context. I partially explained this in court and elaborate further thus:
The particular time coincided with some highly stressful events including:
The break-up of my marriage
The ending of a relationship with a third party
An exceptionally stressful period in work
The anniversary of my mother’s death
I was feeling exceptionally low at the time and despite some suicidal thoughts and words I did not at any time attempt suicide.
My wife rightly states that she persuaded me to attend the doctor who prescribed anti-depressants. She (the doctor) also signed me off work for a period of two weeks .I returned to her 1 week later and explained about my decision not to take the anti-depressants and she subsequently passed me fit to return to work, which I did. In total I had 7 days off work with stress/anxiety. My decision not to take the anti-depressants was taken after extensive research concerning their benefits, side effects and long term effects."
This time of year had numerical significance for you as it now does for us, John. Sadly
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